consequently i now know what mace tastes like
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
