sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
