so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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