you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
