God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
