What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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