They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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