can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
