Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
