Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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