Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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