You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
