I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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