I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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