Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
