I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
