They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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