At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize