I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
