mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
