were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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