just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
