Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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