i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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