woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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