why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize