after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I have post one night stand depression
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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