I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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