Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
