i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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