Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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