I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
