So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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