she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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