Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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