Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
