meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
