So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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