you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
