I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
