Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
