she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
