hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
