I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
handjob tips. give me some.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
