You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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