first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
