just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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