I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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