He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
