rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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