is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize