just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
