I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
