Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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