And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
