I could have mohawked her pubes.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
