I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
