I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
