Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
