That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Randomize