She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
