I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
