My nipple is on Facebook.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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