Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
