Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
