He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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