dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
