The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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