sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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