No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
