dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
