my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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