I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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