Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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