My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
is wine microwaveable?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
