its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
