I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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