I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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