sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
