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I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize