i would punch a child for taco bell
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
