don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize