they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
