I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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