you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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