My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
